


I hate your damn freckles

by Sweetkenny



Category: South Park
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Bad English, Bad Humor, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, English, Fat Shaming, Food Issues, Gen, Humor, I'm Sorry, Insults, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Sexual Humor, Slow Burn, University
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-16
Updated: 2020-01-03
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:21:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21813604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sweetkenny/pseuds/Sweetkenny
Summary: Eric Cartman hates Kyle Broflovski since senior year and he wants absolutely nothing to do with this dumbass. But each time Eric sees his damn freckles, his promise seems to break a little more.
Relationships: Kyle Broflovski/Eric Cartman
Comments: 30
Kudos: 119





	1. Breaking down on a toilet

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I just wanted you to know that I'm a French native speaker, and this is the first time I'm writing a fanfic in English (oh Lord, this is going to be a pain in the ass). I'm really sorry if there are sentences that are badly written, or cultural elements that are not accurate at all. I'm trying my best, I promise! Plus, I may switch between British/american vocabulary, and I'm really sorry if I do. Do not hesitate to give me some advices or correct me (even if, of course, this is not your job). I still hope you will be able to enjoy my little Christmas story.
> 
> TW : In this first chapter, there are some allusions to food issues, mental health issues, fat shaming and anxiety. Please, be careful, and do not read this chapter if you're not feeling comfortable with these topics. 
> 
> Cartman's thoughts are written in italic. Enjoy :)

When Cartman had some free time off, at South Park High School, between two classes, he liked spending it in the boys' washroom to take a shit. This feeling of evacuation and the following sensation of lightness was a pure delight. To finish a _defecation session_ gave him the will to conquer the world. He was immediately more confident, and above all, ready to eat some food again. Eric had his favorite bathroom stall. At the far end of the room, near one of the windows, which allowed him to hear the soft sound of wind, and sometimes rain, and thus to relax.

But that Thursday was _different_. It was the last time of his life that Cartman went to the boy's washroom. When he finished his chemistry class, he waited a few minutes near his locker, until the period of ten-minute break ended, and each student returned to their next class. The brunet’s time schedule showed that he had two hours of free time before his mathematic test. With a smile on his lips, satisfied, he went happily to the washrooms, on the first floor. They were very large,spacious, and there even was disabled toilets that no one ever used in this high school wing. Even though it would have been used frequently, Cartman was not the kind of young man that had moral consciousness.

He had this typical shiver that passed through his whole body when his naked butt collided with the cold sensation of the toilet pan. The fact that the boy’s washrooms were totally empty today made Eric feel perfectly comfortable. The silence did him good. He could now start meditation.

Eric frowned. He could hear the door open with a loud noise and a dialogue was initiated between two familiar voices. This made him roll his eyes. If only these two assholes could leave as soon as possible. Cartman needed to deliver an urgent package.

‘What about Bebe ?’

‘She's already going to prom with a guy from her literature class. I told you, nobody wants to go with me.’ 

_Stan the fag and Jew’s nasal voice_ , thought Eric. He refrained from sighing loudly and rested his chin on the palm of his right hand, waiting for his two friends to end their pointless discussion. His brown eyes stared at the inscriptions on the bathroom door. He could read insults, written with a black pen, towards Mrs. Carell, the history teacher. She deserved them. She was a true bitch.

‘I’d suggest you to go with a guy, but…' Stan left the words hanging and shrugged his shoulders. Kyle looked around them, anxious. He was afraid that a malevolent ear would listen to their conversation. There was silence for a few seconds and Eric had now straightened his back, curious about how the discussion took a new turn.

‘Yeah, sure. Why not go hand in hand with a guy in the middle of the streets of South Park. Sounds like an awesome idea.’ Kyle sighed, and Eric could hear the sound of water flowing from a tap.

Another silence lasted a few seconds. Was Kyle Broflovski really gay ? Eric couldn't believe what he had just heard. He had to hold back from laughing really loud. The redhead had just served him, on a silver platter, one more reason to make fun of him. _Kahl, you’re so dumb_.

‘Is there even a guy that you find attractive in this shitty town ?’ The dark-haired boy asked with a lower voice, so no one else could hear them.

Without even realizing it, Cartman had held his breath, air trapped in his rib cage. As if he had snorkeled underwater. His muscles were tight. He dreaded the redhead's answer.

‘I dunno. Maybe if Kenny wasn’t such a sex-mad. And if he wasn’t my friend, I think I would have had a crush on him.’

 _Kenny ? What the fuck dude. Erh, gross_. Eric relaxed again. Kyle's responses weren't interesting at all. At best, they had the capacity of annoying the brunet, who was just waiting to get rid of the Mexican food he had eaten earlier at the canteen.

‘You’re gross.’ Stan said with a wince, and he surely had read Cartman’s thoughts. ‘We’re talking about a dude who already drank urine for twenty bucks.’

Kyle laughed suddenly and loudly at the memory of Kenny's uptight face while struggling to finish the glass of urine he had sworn he could drink. It was truly disgusting. How could they have been so stupid, younger? However, none of them could deny that Kenny McCormick was a physically attractive boy, and that there were few guys in South Park who could claim to be more handsome than he was.

‘While you're at it, why not try with Cartman?’

Normally, Cartman wouldn’t have restrained himself from shouting an insult and humiliating his two friends by telling them that he had been spying on them for a while. But he couldn't. He just couldn’t. Absolutely no sound was able to come out of Eric’s throat. His legs were numb as he had mobilized all his muscles. He was tense. Kyle's forced laugh was echoing the empty room and was as painful as the tip of a knife, as languid as a childhood memory. This laugh was quickly joined by Stan’s mockery. On the contrary, Stan’s laugh was giving him a headache. He could kill this bastard just to stop this unbearable sound.

‘I would have to be blind and deaf to enjoy the company of this fat ass.’

 _Ouch_. Cartman didn’t expect to be hit that hard by the redhead's words. Actually, they were the same words Kyle used when they argued. Eric, however, had always thought it was just a game between the two schoolboys. A game where they pretended to hate each other deep down, when in reality they appreciated each other a minimum and could count on one another. At least, that's what he thought until today. Obviously, his feelings were not shared.

‘Couldn’t agree more.’

‘He's really dumb. God, I’ve rarely met someone so stupid. He's in senior year, and he's not even capable to tell the difference between protons and electrons. Have you seen his body? How can you wake up every morning of your life and feel happy with yourself when you look like Eric Cartman, a fat load who has the charisma of Jabba the Hutt. He fuckin’ stinks like fried bacon and cheesy puffs constantly.’ Kyle took Stan by his shoulders. ‘Dude, we're almost grown ups. I don’t know. Take care of your appearance. At least, do it for yourself. Have a minimum of self-respect. I won’t even be surprised to learn that he has warts on his dick.’

Stan couldn't help laughing out loud, to the point where he had to lean on the edge of the sinks.

‘I don’t even know if he’ll ever get to fuck with someone.’

‘It’ll either be an animal or a dead corpse. There’s no way this guy won’t finish his life in jail. He’s a fuckin psycho.’

Cartman wasn’t surprised by Stan's attitude. It was even predictable. It didn't affect him that much, since his opinion about the schoolboy was not tender either. Still, hearing Kyle's words had a devastating effect on him. He didn't understand how the opinion of a guy he had belittled all these years could be that much important to him. If only he could find the strength to go out and punch this son of a bitch’s face.

‘But let’s imagine if someone gave you five hundred thousand dollars to suck his dick, would you do it?’

Kyle had to restrain an urge to vomit and almost choked. He was so disgusted imagining the situation ‘of course not! I’d rather die than touch this dude.’

It wasn't until he felt a damp sensation on the skin of his bare thighs that Eric realized that tears were running down his cheeks. He held back sniffles with all his strength, not wanting his presence to be noticed, and even less wanting people to learn that Eric Cartman was crying like a bitch. The two best friends left the washrooms and continued to call Eric names, between two laughs. Silence fell in the men's washrooms, once more. But this time, there was nothing pleasant about this silence. It was heavy and painful.

Eric exploded in tears, his mouth opening to breathe when he was in dire need of air. His two hands pressed against the walls around him. His shoulders were shaking from his sobs. He felt like the walls were tightening around him. He had never felt so vulnerable: half-naked and insulted. He felt like the scum of earth. Cartman quickly understood that this conversation between Kyle and Stan was just one of many among others, and Kyle must have badmouthing him thousands of times. He had ridiculed him, trampled on him, destroyed him. Eric was having a panic attack on the seat of his favorite toilet. He literally felt like shit.

* * *

In four years, Eric had done an incredible job of dodging Kyle Broflovski. Eric Theodore Cartman was a student in _Accounting and Finance_. He had very good grades and his teachers were happy to have him in class. If there was one thing Cartman was comfortable with, it was money. He had his group of future financier friends, a nice apartment shared with a not-too-annoying student, and puberty hit him hard. Unfortunately, his relationship with food was still conflicting. He suffered from the Yo-Yo effect. At any time, he could regain all the weight he had lost very quickly, and vice versa. At the moment, Cartman was rather thin. And he did everything to avoid doing the same mistakes he had done all during his teenage years. He regularly saw his psychologist, Mrs. Gomez, which allowed him to take care of his mental health more easily. Overall, he was feeling better. But sometimes when he looked in the mirror, there was that little voice in his head telling him that his cheeks were still too round, or that his stomach was not yet flat enough.

Eric sighed in front of his reflection in the mirror, and finally put on a Christmas sweater with patterns of happy deers under snowflakes. Christmas was just a few weeks away, and the whole city had gotten into red and green colors. Tomorrow was the last day of school for this semester. The student had spent the whole morning in his bed, on his computer, finishing a paper in financial macroeconomics which he had to send to his teacher before midnight.

Cartman was walking on campus, between the different dorms buildings, his feet sinking into the thin layer of snow that covered the sidewalk. He needed coffee to give hime the power to endure the rest of the day and a meal to keep him from being hungry. When he pushed open the transparent door to enter the university cafeteria, he turned to hold the door for the person right behind him and recognized Token Williams.

‘Hi dude. Haven’t seen you in a while!’ Token patted Cartman on the shoulder with a smile.

‘If you only knew man… I was too busy with all the homework these motherfuckers gave me for the end of the semester.’ Eric smiled back at him and he walked side by side with the boy student stand in line. His eyes glanced at a salmon bagel and a slice of banana bread. His stomach growled.

‘You should have come in cinema studies. My life is way better since I stopped studying numbers.’

‘Yeah sure Spielberg, I don't wanna end my life being a fucking hippie.’ Eric let out a mocking laugh as Token just answered a ‘fuck you Cartman’.

When Eric walked towards the counter, he asked the cashier for the food he had observed with desire before and a coffee, and also took Token's order. The student had invited him to eat last time they saw each other and felt indebted. Token thanked him and the two young men took two vacant seats at a table where other people had already taken their seats.

‘Do you have any plans for tonight?’ Token asked Eric while taking a bite of his turkey sandwich.

‘I just planned on Netflix and Chill. Alone. In my bed.’ Eric shrugged, also biting in his bagel, watching in the distance the big Christmas tree at the back of the room. Even the cafeteria had taken the initiative to start Christmas decorations. He no longer felt silly with his sweater.

‘Its… sad.’

‘And maybe masturbate in front of a porn movie.’

‘It’s… even sadder.’

The two young men laughed loudly. Token had been used to the gritty humor of his childhood friend for years. It didn't bother him. On the contrary, when he encountered someone prudish, he found it very odd.

‘You should come with us tonight.’ Token offered, while scrolling the touchscreen of his phone.

‘Where are you guys going?’ Cartman raised an eyebrow. Token put his phone under his nose. He could see a facebook event on the screen. The university’s singing club hosted a Christmas-themed karaoke night in a neighborhood bar.

‘I'm not going to this kind of sissy parties.’ Cartman smiled, amused. Token glared at him.

‘C’mon on Cartman, you LOVE to sing.’

Eric couldn’t deny his friend. He loved to sing since he was a child. He even released a Christian Rock music album when he was in elementary school. He was pretty sure the album was still available on Spotify. He looked at Token for a moment, thinking about his proposal. After all, he had nothing better to do tonight. And for the past few days, he had been terribly alone. He craved for human contact. The brunet finished the last bite of his bagel.

‘ _Can’t read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read myyyyy poker face!_ ’ Token sang and he imitated Lady Gaga's dance by putting his hand in front of his face, holding back his laugh. He loved to bring back memories from their childhood.

‘Stop! Stop! Okay, I’ll come.’ Eric sighed but he couldn’t help but smile.

‘Awesome. Join us at the Monkey Bar at 9pm.’

* * *

Eric didn’t know why he accepted Token’s invitation. But when he left the dorms at 9pm to reach the bar, which was about 20 minutes' walk from his apartment, he immediately regretted. It was very cold now that night had fallen. The wind slightly ruffled Eric's smooth, shiny hair. The tip of his nose had taken on a soft pink color. He mentally congratulated himself on having spread some hand cream on his skin so that it wouldn’t be irritated by the cold. And now, his hands smelled a pleasant scent of coconut. Cartman had kept his Christmas sweater. He'd just put on a brown faux suede coat with fur on the inside. He stared at his black pair of converse getting wet in the snow. He had to stop wearing these shoes which were totally not suitable for the winter weather of December.

He arrived at the Monkey Bar a few minutes late. It was full of students whose faces were familiar to him. The waiters and waitresses moved in all directions to pick up as much orders as they could. His gaze fell on the table where his friends were sitting. He saw that they had saved a place for him and smiled to himself.

‘Hi everyone’ Eric waved before taking off his coat to sit on the end of the bench. His friends replied with a collective greeting. Tammy Warner leaned over so that she could speak directly in his hear, without being bothered by the music, ‘Finally out of your cave?’

‘Incredible, huh?’ Eric smirked at her, before taking a look at the drink menu. When the waitress arrived at their table, he ordered a White Russian.

"Since you arrived late, we put your name in the box." One of his best friends, Steven, winked him provocatively. All eyes turned to look at Cartman. Instead of getting upset, he got into Steven's game. Confident, as always.

‘Oh you know, I have nothing to fear. I'm a better singer than all those assholes.’

"I like that state of mind!" Token exclaimed, patting Eric on the back, as if to show him that he was proud of his friend’s confidence.

The five friends sipped their drinks while listening to the different students going on stage. Most of them sang very well. Especially those who were members of the club. Others were less talented, but nothing too catastrophic. Cartman was disappointed. He was ready to draw his phone from his pocket to film the first person singing horribly wrong.

Each time the next music had to be sang, two names were drawn from the box and the two students were forced to sing a duet on a song they couldn’t choose. The best duo of the evening would receive a gift of which Eric had no fucking clue what it could be.

His milk drink got stuck above his upper lip, on his thin mustache that was starting to grow back. When he put out his tongue to lick the liquid, he heard his first name and his name announced on the microphone.

‘And our next duo will be composed of… Eric Cartman!’

His friends at his table hissed with their fingers and applauded him with fervor that made the whole bar cheer. The brunet smiled arrogantly, placing his glass on his table.

The evening host on stage spoke again. ‘With… Kyle Broflovski!’

Eric's heart missed a beat. Token noticed that the brunet’s expression had radically changed. After all, he was the only one around the table who was aware of the old friendship that the two young men had had before ending it brutally, without letting anyone knowing why. Token tried to give him a reassuring smile, but Cartman didn't even look at him. He stared at the scene, eyes wide open. For a few moments, he didn't see anyone joining the microphones. He hoped from the bottom of his heart that the redhead would not come.

 _Son of a bitch_. He was there. He had just joined the stage. Kyle also wore a Christmas sweatshirt. His was green. Cartman's was blue. You could notice the figure of Santa Claus on his chest. His red curls seemed easily tamed and in order. The freckles on his face were still there, but much less visible than they were during spring. Kyle looked just as lost, not seeing his partner. It was only when Eric got up from his seat to cross the bar that their eyes met. If the public was waiting for a duet, Eric was there for a duel.

He took place next to his old acquaintance, and cleared his throat before taking his microphone in his fist, without even bothering to glance at Kyle. He just wanted to end it quickly. The first notes of _Baby It’s Cold Outside_ echoed throughout the bar. Cartman already knew the lyrics by heart. And without even asking the redhead which part he’d like to sing, he started the song with a crisp and precise voice.

‘ _I really can’t stay_ ’

Kyle didn’t seem to realize the moment he was living right now with Eric, since he had a slight delay before starting to sing too. ' _But baby it’s cold outside_ ’.

**_I gotta go away (Baby it's cold outside)_ **

**_This evening has been (Been hoping that you'd dropped in)_ ** ****

**_So very nice_ ** ****

Kyle’s voice was not perfect. Singing was not his thing. But he sang well enough for their duet to work. Smiling, Eric continued to sing while looking at his audience, clinging to the microphone. In his head, there was only him on stage. And it was a pleasure to see people enjoying his voice. Until he frowned when he felt a warm hand grab his cold one.

‘ _I’ll hold your hands, they’re juste like ice._ ’ Kyle had forced Eric to look him straight in the eye. And it was hard for the brunet to look away from those captivating green eyes. _What the fuck?_

**_My mother will start to worry (Beautiful what's your hurry?)_ **

**_My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)_ **

‘ _So really, I’d better scurry_ ’ Eric suddenly removed his hand from Kyle's, trying to keep calm and continue the show.

**_Well maybe just a half a drink more (I'll put some records on while I pour)_ **

**_The neighbors might think (Baby it's bad out there)_ **

**_Say what's in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)_ **

**_I wish I knew how_ **

‘ _You’re eyes are like starlight now_ ’ Kyle's advances and the discomfort of the brunet fit perfectly with the characters, and the students were very amused watching their performance which seemed genuinely credible.

**_To break this spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell) (Why thank you)_ **

‘ _I ought to say no, no, no, Sir._ ’ Cartman stepped back, the microphone still in both hands, as if to move away from the other student.

‘ _Mind if I move in closer ?_ ’ Kyle was strangely happy looking at Cartman, when the latter was just panicking inside. He saw Kyle approaching dangerously close to him, and he had no idea what to do.

‘I really can’t stay’ Cartman repeated by going around the redhead's body, and then he came back to the front of the stage, hiding the redhead's silhouette. The audience laughed all together.

The two students had fun playing cat and mouse on stage, the lyrics illustrating their false game of seduction. It was clear to the people listening to them that their performance was one of the best they had been able to attend tonight, despite their unexpected duo.

Kyle returned again to Cartman’s side, and the two singers resumed together ‘ _Oh, but it’s cold outside_ ’. This last line was sung as they both looked each other in the eye. Everyone loudly applauded the duo. Even the waiters have stopped to listen to the two young men sing. Cartman was the first to break their staring contest, to enjoy the cheers they received. He addressed his usual seductive smile before placing the microphone on his tripod, and he left the stage without a word or a one more look towards his partner. He reluctantly sat down at his friends’ table. He just wanted to leave the bar and never set foot there again.

Token, Steven and Tammy congratulated him and commented on his performance. But Eric’s mind was elsewhere. He took his cocktail and finished it at one gulp. He didn’t want to leave his friends behind, so he decided to sit in his seat a little longer. But he was half present. What was certain was that Cartman did not plan to stay until the end of the evening.


	2. Do you like Chopin Kyle ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's quite serious. I think next ones are going to be funnier. Cartman has still to process his anger lol. I advise you to listen to the song Eric's playing on piano, it's really beautiful :) (Chopin's Nocturne No. 20) You'll just have to click on the ‘It starts slowly' part, I linked it. 
> 
> Anyway, thank you all for your comments (and kudos), it makes me soooo happy ! I hope the following chapters will please you as much as the first one.

‘Do you think I’ll ever find love ?’

Eric Cartman had never formulated such question in his entire existence. Right now, he hated himself for saying this out loud. Nervous, his gaze starred at a painting depicting the canals of Amsterdam. A couple was kissing on a boat, under a starry sky reflecting on the water. The brunet had never felt the love that could be described in movies such as _Valentine’s Day,_ or the passionChristian Grey felt for Anastasia Steele. Not that he had read the _Fifty Shades Of Grey_ novels. Or maybe he did. _Don’t fucking judge me guys._ He swallowed at the idea that he wouldn't be attractive enough to experience this kind of romance.

‘You can’t find love.’ Mrs. Gomez replied simply with the hint of a smile on her lips. Eric turned his gaze towards his psychologist, curious about her answer. She continued: ‘Love is the capacity of living strong feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another person. You’re capable of that, Eric.’

The young woman's soft voice managed to relax Eric. But he was still not satisfied with this answer. His brown eyes turned back to the painting again.

'No but. I mean… Love as living a passionate and mutual love. Sometimes I feel like nobody would want to start a romantic relationship with me. I don’t know. Maybe it’s my fault that I’m not trying hard enough to find someone.’

‘Has there ever been someone who made it clear to you that they didn't want a romantic relationship with you?’ The psychologist's face leaned slightly. She was trying to catch her patient’s eyes.

Eric’s throat was dry. His lips parted slightly to speak, but no sound came out. He didn't know what to answer. It was true that he had never asked anyone directly if they wanted to go out with him. But he didn’t need it. He had received an answer before he even tried to ask. It clearly pissed him off, but his brain couldn't help but repeating over and over again this particular afternoon in his high school’s boys’ restrooms. « _I’d rather die than touch him_ » the nasal voice still taunted him like an echo in his head, four years later.

His eyelids closed themselves for a moment. Another memory came back to him successively. It was a memory from the summer before he entered freshman year at Denver University. It was past midnight and he was lying in his bedroom. He had cut ties with Kyle and Stan, and therefore Kenny too. He had spent most of his free time alone, and at Butters’ or Token’s house on rare occasions. Sitting in his bed, his computer on his lap, he was chatting with strangers on Reddit who were trying to make him understand that if he had been destroyed by Kyle's words, it was because he must have been in love with him.

This was his second biggest panic attack. His brain couldn't bear the idea that he might have been in love with a guy, who happens also to be someone from his group of friend, for all this time. It was only with time that Cartman had accepted the possibility of more than friendly feelings towards the redhead. He quickly decided he had to accept this hypothesis, like that he could quickly leave all these feelings in the past. He was still reassuring himself today by saying that it was only his hormones that were playing tricks on him. Some kind of childhood mistake. And that today, everything had changed.

‘Yes’ Cartman simply answered.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Mrs. Gomez asked as she hoped the student would develop his souvenir. 

‘No’ Eric straightened up to sit on the couch and face his psychologist. He forced a smile and a laugh, as his fists clenched down of the sofa. ‘They’re just childish things. It was back in high school. It doesn't matter anymore.’ He shrugged.

Mrs. Gomez’s gaze watched Eric’s hands for a few seconds before rising to the student’s face. She was studying it, as if she was trying to read his thoughts. The brunet just hoped that she wouldn't be asking to go any further on this subject. He knew he was lucky to have such a comprehensive psychologist. She was young, had little experience, but she loved her job and obviously knew how to do it. On top of that, she was pleasant to look at. She had long brown hair tied in a ponytail, and a face that aroused trust. She seemed to hesitate on her words, before speaking again.

‘In high school, students can do and say very violent things. It’s a very difficult time, even when we are not necessarily aware of it. Don’t be too hard on yourself. But also be indulgent with the people you have known. We all make mistakes. People can change.’

 _Fuck_. Eric didn't want to be forgiving. The student still had flaws. One of them was that he had a monstrous difficulty forgiving other people mistakes. Cartman had always operated out of revenge and sadism. It was now frustrating not to be able to dive back into these copping mechanisms. The brunet paid for today's session and left the young psychologist's office, lost in his thoughts.

* * *

_Shit. Shit. Shit_. That same evening, his fucking plane had been canceled. In a collective complaint, all passengers who were to take the same flight as Eric to New York were really upset. Insults were made towards the company, couples began to quarrel, and some passengers wanted to hit the officers present at the boarding location. In the midst of this chaos, Eric was sitting in the departure lounge with his two small suitcases, distraught. The weather could not allow the airplane to take off safely. And there was no other flight scheduled that evening for his destination. It was 11 p.m. and Cartman hadn't been fucking capable to find a flight that would take off earlier today. The next flight was scheduled for tomorrow morning, but they weren't even sure it would be maintained as well.

The brunet had called his mother to confess her the bad news. As always, they had an argument and Eric ended up hanging up on her, muttering a ‘ _stupid hoe_ ’. Whatever. He didn't even wanted to celebrate Christmas with his mother and her new husband, in the first place. Their relationship was so weird and fucked up. Eric hadn't even been able to attend his own mother's wedding, two years ago, claiming that she had preferred to organize some secret and intimate ceremony just for the two of them. Sometimes, he couldn’t tell if he hated this woman or if he had pity for her. On Snapchat, he had fun posting a "fuck you delta airlines" in his story, taking a selfie with his middle finger up. Many of his friends had answered his snapchat story right away to ask him how he planned to celebrate Christmas now. It was December 22, and Eric was stuck on this shitty campus.

During this period, the campus was mostly deserted. The few students remaining were mainly foreign students who had nowhere to go and could not afford a plane ticket to return to their continent. Or people who had no family to visit. Eric’s family life had always been depressing. But being alone fort Christmas, gosh, that was even more depressing.

_@kawaiikenny sent you a snap !_

Eric was waiting for a taxi in the cold outside, to be able to return to his apartment. His finger casually opened the notification he had received from Kenny, among many others. His had intrigued him since it had been a while he last heard from the blond.

@kawaiikenny : _dude come oveerrrrrrrrr I have some boozeeee_

Despite Eric's despair, Kenny managed to get a smile out of him. He didn't really know if he was in the mood for chatting with his old friend. He was more into hibernating in his bed and forget about his own existence. His frozen thumbs tapped on his iPhone .

@EricBigBoned99 : _idk man i’m tired, this fuckin plane sucked all energy out of me_

@kawaiikenny : c _ome on don’t be a pussy I SAID I HAV DRIIIIINKS_

@EricBigBoned99 : _lmao kenny ur alright ?_

@kawaiikenny : _im sending u my address_

The taxi driver had taken Cartman's suitcases and put them in the trunk before he could notice it. He got into the car and sighed happily as he felt the heat invade his body. It was snowing so much that Eric was glad he wasn't in the driver's seat. The roads were a mess. He hoped he would arrive safe and sound. After a moment doubting, he finally gave Kenny's address to the driver. Anyway, Eric didn't live very far away from his friend and could easily change his mind if he wanted to.

It was only when the taxi driver arrived in an unknown area that Eric wondered if he had gave him the right address. The driver assured him that they were in the right place, where the brunet had asked him to go. When he took a second look at the address Kenny sent him on snapchat, he realized that it didn't fit the university dorms at all. He wondered if the blonde was not a little too drunk and was not mistaken in his message.

‘Hey Kenny, what the fuck ? Are you wasted ? Your address lead me to a fancy neighborhood.’ Cartman unkindly asked, trying to see from the window if the name of the neighborhood wasn’t posted somewhere. But there were only huge houses all along the street. He didn’t want to pay for a second rade because of this dumbass.

‘No’ Kenny laughed through the phone. ‘Just walk to the white house with red curtains.’

Cartman didn’t understand, but decided to trust him anyway. He thanked his driver who helped him unload his suitcases and left him a tip with the change left in his wallet. Eric tried as best as he could to roll the suitcases in the snow, and twice failed to fall on the ground. He was a sturdy young man, but the wind could easily have blown him away. He saw a cheerful Kenny open the door of the house a few yards from him, and the blond ran to hug him. _What the hell was he doing in this neighborhood?_

‘I’m so happy to see you Cartman! Where the fuck have you been ? You weren’t even answering on facebook.’ Kenny pinched Cartman's cheeks as if he was a five-year-old, and Cartman glared at him, giving him a flick on his forehead.

‘I was studying, dumbass. Not everyone in this school is partying hard. And why the fuck are you living here Kenny?!’ Eric looked at the house, incredulous.

Kenny massaged his forehead to relief the pain. ‘It’s my girlfriend’s house. She went with her family for holidays. I couldn’t go with them because I have a job in Denver.’ He took one of Eric’s suitcases and walked toward the entrance, gazing at his friend with a teasing smile. ‘So they gave me the keys and asked me to keep their dog.’

Eric didn't ask more questions. He preferred to spend the evening in a spacious house rather than in Kenny's shabby student room. It wasn’t dirty, but it was tiny, and every time he went to his room, Eric felt like he was coming back to his childhood, when the four best friends locked themselves up in one of their bedrooms, playing Chinpokomon.

The brunet sighed in relief as he reached the doorstep. He kicked his feet on the ground to remove the snow that had fallen on him, then removed his shoes and jacket in the hallway. ‘Does your mom know for the plane?’ Kenny asked after putting his friend's suitcases away in the closet. ‘Yes she knows, and she can go fuck herself’ Cartman replied without an ounce of anger in his voice. Kenny understood that he wasn’t in the mood to talk about his family and didn't bother to ask more questions about the event.

Upon entering what he supposed to be the living room, his gaze fell on a magnificent grand piano. The instrument appeared to be a Steinway. And he was impressed by its beauty. Taking a look at the other part of the room, Eric expected everything but to see some ginger hair sitting on the huge velvet sofa, his legs folded and a bottle of beer in his hand. Kyle gave him a shy smile, not knowing how to greet the brown haired man, and Eric dropped a ‘Hi Kyle, what’s up?’ which was EVERYTHING but natural.

 _Hi Kyle, what’s up ? What the fuck Cartman ? You haven’t seen the dude in ages_. Even if he felt like this evening may going to be really embarrassing, he knew how to faking it very well. He didn’t want to raise tensions tonight, and preferred to play it cool. Same thing when he had to visit his mother. But he wondered why Kenny hadn't warned him of Kyle’s presence tonight. For the past four years, it has been like a silent agreement between the two students. Kenny knew that Cartman no longer wanted to be friends with Stan and Kyle. He knew the reasons wy. And he always made sure they didn't all end up in the same room. But tonight, Kenny had decided to do otherwise.

‘Beer ? Vodka ? White wine ? There’s absolutely everything you need. Just tell me what you want.’

Eric rolled his eyes. He was a hundred per cent sure that Kenny wasn’t even allowed to touch his girlfriend's family's liquor collection. But he still allowed himself to ask for a drink.

‘White wine for me. Thanks.’ Eric’s butt sat on the ottoman positioned near the coffee table, so that he was facing Kyle's body. His gaze fell on the Ralph Lauren symbol of the redhead’s dark blue polo shirt.

‘I never thought you were a refined type of person.’ Kyle said with an amused tone.

The brunet’s gaze caught his green eyes. He could now take a bit of time to contemplate the student. Kyle had successfully gone through puberty. _A little too successfully_. He had shaved the sides of his hair and left his curls on the top of his head. They fell slightly on the top of his forehead. The alcohol he had just drunk made his lips look a little pinker. And when he smiled, his cheekbones came out irresistibly. He was especially jealous of his jawline.

‘There are so many things you don't know about me Broflovski’. He thought he was dreaming when he saw Kyle blush after he looked at him, but Kenny interrupted Eric in his thoughts to hand him his glass of wine. The blond took a seat next to Kyle.

‘This is soooo weird. I feel like we went ten years back.’ Kenny said while laughing, grabbing a cushion and hugging it to his chest. He was genuinely happy. Cartman hesitated to ask where the bastard Stan Marsh might be. But he didn't care. He didn’t really want to know neither.

‘I guess you guys are going to the big Christmas Party in town ?’ Cartman asked, drinking a sip of his wine after spinning it in his glass. He felt Kyle's gaze scrutinizing him in all his gestures, and that greatly disturbed him.

‘Are you serious ? Why the fuck would we want to go there?’ Kenny asked, almost outraged by the question. Cartman gave him a skeptical look.

‘I dunno ? Find someone to fuck with and get wasted ? I guess.’

‘Maybe it’s not your case, but _we_ have girlfriends?’ Kenny pointed successively at himself and Kyle with his index finger, sporting a proud face. Cartman raised an eyebrow as he took his second sip.

 _Girlfriends ?_ His suspicious look turned to Kyle. A _girlfriend ? You’re a fuckin’ liar._ _You ARE lying_. _You’re lying so much, I’ll tell it in every language : Tu eres un mentiroso. Sei un bugiardo. Du bist ein Lügner. Tu es un menteur_. _Even Butters couldn’t be more gay than you_. _Fuck. What the hell are you doing jew_ ?

‘Congratulations guys, maybe this time you’re really going to loose your virginity.’ Eric gave them an evil smirk behind his glass, which he placed on the coffee table.

Kenny looked at him, unimpressed "You already know that I slept with your friend Tammy way before middle school."

‘Rubbing against each other while still wearing clothes is not sex Kenny.’ His forearms were against his knees and his fingers were intertwined. Eric was obviously too big to sit on such a low seat. Kyle let out a loud laugh despite himself, and Eric's heart quickened. He met the redhead's eyes and they exchanged a smile. _Damn_ , Cartman was angry. It was enough for his gaze to meet the Jew’s freckles to forget all the grudge he had accumulated over the years.

Kyle felt surprisingly comfortable in the presence of Eric. As if they had always been friends, and things had returned to the right place. This unexpected moment seemed so right, he wondered how they could have stopped talking to each other all this time. If Eric was surprised at how much the redhead got better, what about Kyle? He was captivated by the physical transformation of his former friend. Eric was so thin, so tall, so elegantly dressed, so funny and so… _charming_?

‘Let’s talk about _your_ sexual performances, uh ? What do you think about that, asshole?’ Kenny threw the pillow he was holding at Eric’s head, which messed up his brown hair. Eric couldn't help laughing, putting the cushion down on the floor.

Eric cleared his throat and looked at Kyle again. ‘I’ve always been told I’m good with my fingers.’

Kyle choked on his beer. If he found Eric's deep voice mesmerizing, Kenny had rolled his eyes because the sentence was so cringe. Looking at both of them, Eric could’t pretend otherwise: he was happy to be reunited with his two old friends. But he didn’t want to think about it too much or he would plunge into a melancholy from which he could no longer emerge.

The chimney warmed them pleasantly, and tongues loosened as glasses of alcohol were consumed. They remembered past memories, talked about their family problems with opened hearts. Sometimes they mentioned their current school life and from time to time they shared the best college gossips. When Kyle left the living room to go piss because of all the beer he had drink, Eric got up to the couch and grabbed Kenny's arm firmly.

‘Why did you do that Kenny ?!’ Eric asked abruptly, with a slow voice, not wanting to be heard by Kyle.

Kenny moved closer to Eric's face and spoke softly. ‘Don't blame me! It's Kyle, he kept talking about you since you sang together or whatever. God, he didn't want to shut up about you. I thought you could become friends again! ‘

‘You’re a traitor!’ Eric pinched the blond's skin.

‘You’ll thank me later’ He flicked Eric's balls and Eric folded in two, screaming in pain.

‘Kenny, you motherfucker!’ The brunet took a deep breath as he pinched his lip, not able to stand the pain that ran through his genitals and his stomach. Kenny was just laughing, as always.

Eric joined his ottoman, grimacing before Kyle came back, and he motioned to the blond that he would kill him, sliding his thumb over his neck. Kenny winked at him.

* * *

It wasn’t until around three in the morning that fatigue began to affect the three young men. Kenny had drunk too much, so he was the first struggling to stay awake. Before leaving them, he muttered to Cartman that he could stay sleeping in the house, since there were several rooms available upstairs. With these words, Kenny went upstairs to sleep in one of the bedroom, and a heavy silence fell in the living room. Outside, the snowstorm had subsided. The television was now turned off. As he hesitated between staying or going home in an Uber, Eric found himself alone with his thoughts screaming in his head. It was as if being alone with Kyle put him back in front of all the things he blamed him for, all the anger he had contained in him since high school. His body wanted only one thing: to explode. He was a time bomb. His fingers patted his knees nervously, and he finally dared to look up to observe Kyle who had been staring at him for all this time. He saw the young man's lips open and he knew at that moment, no matter what words came out, they were going to pass the point of no return.

‘It's a shame you didn't hang out with us more often.’

Eric's nostrils exhaled silently. He didn't want his nervousness to dominate him. He just stared at Kyle, saying nothing.

‘Even though we often argued you and I… I valued our friendship.’

 _You’re such a hypocrite Kyle. A sweet, handsome, deliciously hurting hypocrite_. Without a word, the brunet stood up from his ottoman and walked over to the grand piano which was positioned behind him under a window, against the wall. He stopped near the instrument to take a moment to look at it. The piano was clean and bright. It was almost a crime to lay your eyes on such a beautiful object. After a moment of hesitance, he sat down on the piano seat. He raised the piano keyboard cover and brushed the keys with his fingers without pressing them. The sensation revived memories of his high school lessons. He remembered that music, even if he didn’t practiced it regularly, had helped him a lot to vent his anger. Music allowed him to communicate, without actually having to do it. Without having to put into words what he felt. And that suited him perfectly. Because he didn't want to talk to Kyle. He didn’t want to admit the suffering he had experienced through his fault. It was way too humiliating.

‘[It starts slowly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DqpPRj6UZqc).’ Eric said with a soft voice.

Kyle could only see Eric's straightened back, and his head slightly tilted. Indeed, the introduction started slowly. It was _Nocturne N.20 in C Sharp Minor_ , from Chopin. He didn't expect the brunet to be as comfortable in his movements. He was aware Eric had taken a few lessons in high school but he had never heard him play. Clinging to the couch, Kyle felt the music creep under his skin. And it was when the index and middle finger of Cartman’s right hand tapped quickly and successively the two high keys that the music had harped his heart.

The notes evolved towards more cheerful tones. Filled with hope. And Eric's fingers sped up a bit. But Kyle knew the brunet was doing a tremendous job from not hitting the instrument more violently. He was containing himself not to go too fast, not to go too hard. When Kyle thought the piece was over after two seconds of silence, Eric's fingers picked up the same notes as the introduction. But this time, they were played with much more delicacy.

The sounds wandered between melancholy and happiness. It was a painful but pleasant in-between. Even if he didn't want to admit it, neither to himself nor to the others, Eric liked being in this in-between state. Between hatred and tenderness. Between repulsion and desire. He didn't like making decisions. He liked having several choices, as long as possible. He liked their game. He liked that Kyle was already taken and he liked the idea that he could still seduce him. He liked to hurt people with his hands, but he also liked to stroke the keys of a piano. Eric Cartman's life was a delicious and bitter in-between.

When the last keys ended, Eric closed his eyes, sighing. He had been regretting so much the past few days. If only he could not have met the redhead again. They would have continued their paths separately and nothing of this would have happened. But every time he saw his fucking freckles, he melted a little more.

‘We’ll never be friends, Kyle.’

This statement brought him back to reality. He barely had time to process that information that Eric had put on his coat and grabbed the keys to his house.


	3. Careless whisper

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I finished all my exams. Cooked an apple crumble for my mom. Now I can post this chapter. 
> 
> Again, thank you all for your nice comments. You don't know how much I'm grateful to receive them. 
> 
> The dialogue between Eric and Kyle was inspired by one of my favorite romantic movie scene of all time, between Jack Black and Kate Winslet, from The Holiday : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eRar6mNeaME. Oh God, I love this movie. 
> 
> I was so tired when I wrote this chapter in English. I'm sorry if there are some mistakes ! Enjoy x

‘Chloe, I’m leaving!’

Kyle Broflovski was sitting on the couch, watching an episode from the last season of _Game Of Thrones_. His right leg was stretched, resting on the coffee table, and his left arm was casually resting on his girlfriend’s shoulders, Chloe. The latter turned her gaze to her roommate to send her a radiant smile.

‘OK sweetie! Enjoy your evening!’ Chloe shouted and she hugged Kyle a little more. The redhead’s thumb gently caressed the young woman’s shoulder.

'You too guys! See you soon Kyle.’ Margaret winked at him and smiled. Kyle waved his hand: ’Bye Margaret! ’.

When the door slammed, Kyle turned his attention back to the television screen. Tonight was Christmas Eve. Having always lived in a Jewish family, celebrating Christmas wasn’t really a thing within his family. Sure, they used to offer presents to Ike, as a child, and theyalready bought multiple times Advent calendars for the sole purpose of devouring chocolates. But it wasn’t a ritual among the Broflovskis. This week, Kyle hadn't bothered going back to South Park since he would see his parents in a few weeks when they’ll come to visit him in Denver. Kyle's girlfriend, Chloe, had preferred to spend the Christmas and New Year holidays with her boyfriend. She was a pretty girl: dark blonde hair in a bobbed hairstyle, very light blue eyes, flawless skin. If his best friend Stan liked girls with generous curves and a thin waist, it wasn’t really Kyle’s case who wasn’t looking at the morphology of his romantic encounters. He wasn’t a child anymore to fantasize about nonexistent ideal bodies, and he couldn't see how he could allow himself to judge a woman's physique.

After high school, the student decided to try relationships with young women again. Even though he had confessed to his best friend Stan that he felt bisexual, he was no longer very sure of his words. Deep down, he was afraid. But Kyle preferred to think he was wrong, rather than accepting the fact that he was scared. The possibility of a relationship with a man involved far too many questions about his future life. First, be was not sure his family would approve. He was not even sure how a relationship with another man worked. He was also unsure of the reaction people might have on campus, or in the city, in the streets. He wasn't even sure the male body could please him. Why cudgeling his brains when dating a woman was so much easier?

Chloe's free hand rested on the chest of Kyle. The latter paid no attention to it. His green eyes were captivated by Jon Snow and Daenerys who were flying in the sky, on the back of a dragon.

‘God, look at his hair. Jon Snow is so handsome.’

‘Yeaaaah definitely’ Kyle replied suddenly, with a little too much enthusiasm. He felt his cheeks burn when he realized what he had just said, but Chloe seemed not to have noticed his words.

Well, Emilia Clarke was a very pretty woman. With undeniable talent. But Kit Harington… Jesus. He had an unlimited charisma. He had something more, compared to Emilia… _A huge penis_.

_What?_

Kyle closed his eyes, irritated by his own thoughts. What was wrong with him? He tried to focus on the story again rather than thinking about the actor playing the protagonist. Chloe's hand slipped under Kyle's gray sweatshirt to touch the skin of his abs. The student’s muscles contracted, and he didn’t know if it was due to his girlfriend’s cold hand or the surprise of feeling her touch him with envy. He dared not respond to her gestures. The redhead had never been super tactile with women, neither in public nor in private.

It was only when he felt his girlfriend's hand go down to press his crotch, over his jeans, that Kyle gave a slight start and dropped a ‘Woah!’ from his lips with an embarrassed smile.

‘What?’ Chloe smiled playfully. She leaned over to gently kiss Kyle's neck. His gaze was still on the TV screen, but he tilted his head to give her access to his skin. However, the rest of his body was still immobile. He had no idea how to respond to her touches.

‘Nothing ? I just didn't expect it.’

Kyle watched the girl straighten up and sit on his thighs, astride. Her body was now completely hiding the television and he was forced to look at her. She was now above him and leaned over to kiss his lips in a passionate way. Kyle had placed his hands on Chloe's hips and was responding as best as he could to the young woman's kiss. There was nothing unpleasant about having a physical contact with her. She always smelled good. And when he was sad, Kyle could hug her, like when he was hugging his favorite teddy bear when he was a child. Receiving affection from a caring and physically beautiful person was always welcomed. But Kyle wasn’t as... horny as she was. Chloe's lips slid against Kyle's skin to go up to his ear.

‘We could do it tonight.’ Chloe whispered. Kyle's blood ran cold. _Do what?_ He pulled his face back to look her in the eyes. Obviously, he understood that she was talking about sex. He even suspected that she had asked Margaret expressly to leave the apartment for the evening, so that they could be alone, together. Kyle monopolized his forces so as not to let his anxiety appear.

‘You… do you feel ready?’ Kyle asked, slowly running a hand through the young woman’s hair to free her view.

‘More than ever…’ Chloe kissed him again. This time she opened Kyle's sweat shirt and kissed the top of his chest. Kyle stared at the white wall behind her. He was absolutely not ready. And he didn't know how to get out of this quagmire.

‘You know, if you don't feel ready, you don't have to force yourself…’

But Kyle's words were completely ignored. She continued her caresses and kisses. She seemed determined to go further with Kyle tonight. The two never had sex together before, or even foreplay. The redhead always found a way to dissuade her or find an excuse to avoid the moment. Not that he didn't like sex. It's just... He wasn't ready. Kyle had to find something. And quick.

He grabbed Chloe by the waist and made her lie on her back on the couch, Kyle positioning himself above. She laughed and Kyle smirked as he leaned in to kiss her once more.

‘Look at him, he’s so horny…’ Chloe whispered against her lips.

 _Not really_. The student just let out a groan from his lips to approve her words. Without even warning him, she straightened up slightly to remove her t-shirt. She was now only wearing a bra in front of Kyle and he wandered his gaze for a long time on her breast. He thought that if he took the time to look at her breasts, maybe he might end up having a hard-on. Unfortunately, it never came.

‘Like what you see ?’ Chloe's voice was desperately trying to sound sensual. But even that failed to arouse the young man.

"Don't move, I'm just going to pee. I’m coming in a sec." He kissed the girl's cheek before getting up from the couch and go to the bathroom.

As he closed the door behind him, he bit his fist hard under his teeth, so as not to scream. _Holy mother of God_. He put his hands on his waist and looked up at the sky with a sigh before pacing in the small bathroom. If only God could help him. He couldn't even pretend that he had vowed chastity until the wedding since he had already told her that he was not a practicing Jew. Nor could he make up a new excuse for her. It would be way too obvious. She would see him as a scumbag. _Just go fuck her Kyle, let’s finish this quickly._ He was now looking at himself in the mirror, frowning. The redhead couldn't be honest either and tell her face to face that she didn't turn him on. What could be more hurtful than that? No, he didn't have the courage to do so. He wasn’t the type of guy who enjoyed breaking girls' heart. Why did it have to happen to him? He heard a "Kyle, coooooome here" from the living room. Kyle’s stomach twisted in anguish. He was so nervous he could have vomited. _What should I do ?_ His eyes observed the window near him, then hurried to open it. Leaning out of the window, he judged the height which separated him from the ground. Surely, there was three meters. It wasn’t that high, since the girls lived on the first floor. Kyle pulled up the zipper of his sweat shirt and put his two legs over to sit on the window sill. He hesitated one more time. _Why do I always have to put myself in such trouble?_ He took his all his courage and jumped out the window, his feet, only wearing socks, entering the snow. Unfortunately, the young man mishandled his landing and twisted his right ankle. He let out a brief cry of pain and limped as best he could in the snow to reach his car, parked in front of the building entrance.

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck.’ Kyle mumbled before he could finally reach the driver seat of his car. His feet were totally wet. He was trembling with cold since he hadn’t taken his coat with him. And his ankle hurt excruciatingly. But never mind: he had his keys and his cell phone in his jogging pockets. The only things he left behind at Chloe’s were his sneakers and his coat. He didn’t need them. He could now go home.

 _I'll block her. Yeah. I’ll block her on every social network and I’ll never see her again._ Kyle pinched the top of his nose with a sigh, exasperated by his own reaction. He was a coward. This is what it was. Cowardice. But if that was the price to pay for not forcing himself into a sexual intercourse, even if it meant making a fool of himself, then he was willingly a coward.

Fleeing from his problems and not taking responsibility for his faults: this was Kyle Broflovski’s spitting image.

* * *

It was 6 pm. It had been a short time since the sun had set in Denver. Eric was sipping his coffee at the counter, sitting on a bar stool next to Tammy. The brunette had the bad idea to tell his friend about his evening with Kenny and Kyle. Now she couldn't shout her mouth about Kenny's girlfriend. The waiter gave a sympathetic smile towards Eric, who had to endure Tammy's compulsive jealousy.

‘It won’t last. It's not possible. Kenny is biologically unable to maintain a stable romantic relationship. ’

Even if Eric had a lot of affection for his best friend, he couldn't contradict the young woman. Kenny was indeed capable of feeling romantic feelings, like any human being. But he really loved sex. And his passion was hardly accepted by his partners. Tammy, on the other hand, also had a sex addiction. This had freaked Kenny out, who had preferred to cut short their relationship, at the expense of the girl.

‘And you’re clearly the one who could change that?’ Cartman asked, biting his lips to suppress an amused smile. Tammy slapped him on the back of his head and he let out a malicious laugh.

‘I'm not interested.'

'Liar.'

‘No, really, it’s in the past.’ She was staring at the bottom of her empty mug, a nostalgic expression in her eyes. Eric knew this feeling very well. He sighed and stared at the wall in front of him. In his hands, his mug had cooled down considerably now that he had almost finished his hot drink.

‘He hasn't forgotten about you. It still happens he mentions you from time to time.’ Tammy looked up at her friend when she heard his confession. Cartman shrugged. ‘Far be it from me to try to make them break up. I didn’t even met his girlfriend yet. But I know that if you tried to get back in touch with him, he would be very happy. And now that you’re adults, maybe things have changed.’

Eric was still looking at the wall in front of him and Tammy was gazing at him with a tender look. Sometimes she couldn't realize that the Eric who was in front of her right now, and the primary school Eric, were the same person. Cartman had certainly remained the same narcissistic young man with the same dark humor, but had gained so much more maturity. He was no longer purposefully evil towards people. Sometimes she told herself that over time Eric had preferred to turn this wickedness against himself. But she knew he was now seeing a psychologist. Thus she wasn’t too worried. One day, the young man would succeed in finding internal peace. She was convinced of that. She sought his gaze so that he could see her sincere smile.

‘You can be nice sometimes.’

‘Fuck you’ Eric put his middle finger up and laughed heartily with Tammy.

The brunet grabbed the glass of water that accompanied his coffee to take a sip while observing the place around him. The café was closing in less than an hour, and customers were few this evening. After all, it was Christmas Eve. Everyone was rushing to buy the last missing gifts and food for their family diner. He would have liked to be raised in a typical American family. With two parents, brothers and sisters, and a pet. Perhaps it was this frustration that had made him so angry as a child. Eric was now observing a little boy wearing a headband with deer horns on it, walking hand in hand on the street with his mother when Tammy interrupted his thoughts.

‘What about that…’ Tammy cleared her throat. ‘Sorry, what’s his name ? Ah, Kyle, right.’

Eric thought for a moment. Normally, he would have rushed to change the subject or pretend he didn’t understand what was his interlocutor’s point. But he trusted Tammy. And he was tired of keeping everything to himself. Eric felt a multitude of complex and contradictory feelings. Too much of them for one individual. Sometimes he would give everything to feel nothing. As he played with his thumbs, he straightened his shoulders and dared to meet Tammy's gaze. _Nah you cocksucker, don’t admit your feelings_.

‘He just pisses me off. He’s an asshole.’

‘You’re always actin’ weird when we talk about him.’

‘What are you getting at, Warner ?’ Cartman's eyebrow arched. He had this habit of calling his interlocutor by his or her last name when he was about to stand up to them.

‘You purposely do not want to talk about him and your previous relationship with this guy. Why so ? Did he stole your girlfriend back in primary school or what ?’

Eric laughed loudly before leaning over to Tammy, his face close to the student’s one.

‘Impossible. A Ginger simply can’t steal a girl from me. It could never happen.’

‘Or did he stole your heart ?’ She ends up asking, the realization reaching her gaze. If it wasn’t for a girl that the two young men were in bad terms with each other, then it was necessarily because of an ambiguity that remained between the two students, she thought. It seemed like she had unveiled the truth, since Eric had lost his mocking smile.

‘Oh God. No. Let’s just not start this shitty game.’

‘Something to hide Cartman?’ Tammy's smile widened. She was very amused by the situation.

‘You know how stupid your hypothesis is, and you keep going. It’s incredible.’

‘There is nothing wrong with falling in love with a Ginger, Eric. Kyle is pretty sexy.’ He would lie if he pretended otherwise. The waiter had come to collect their empty mugs and the brunet stood up to pay for their drinks, annoyed by Tammy's insistence.

‘I hope your family’s house will burn down during Christmas Eve.’

The two friends had to leave each other in front of the storefront. Tammy went back to the university dorms while Eric decided to go to the downtown Blockbuster videoclub. If Cartman had to spend Christmas Eve alone, he might as well do it in front of a movie. Even if he could have a great number of choices thanks to platforms such as Netflix or Amazon Prime, he always thought that videoclubs had a charm that couldn’t be find elsewhere. He often walked there, and discussed about cinema with other customers, who were often elderly.

Upon entering the store, he suddenly felt happy at the sight of this pleasant blue color that adorned the walls and the dozens of shelves filled with DVDs of all kinds. Eric waved to the cashier who was a few steps away from him, to say hello, being a regular at the store. As usual, the number of customers in this gigantic store could be counted on the fingers of one hand. He didn't know where to start. He first wandered around the comedy department. His eyes quickly read the names of the movies, the directors, and scrutinized each movie poster. He was amused when he saw the **Monty Python** DVDs and he remembered the famous jokes from their movies. The first **Hangover** movie was pretty good too, and Cartman was impressed with Todd Phillips’s evolution when he saw the **Joker** movie in theaters, recently. Oh, and also Jim Carrey playing the main role in **The Mask** , how could he forget about it? Cartman had always dreamed of wearing a yellow suit and dancing with a pretty blonde woman at the Coco Bongo Club.

Eric arrived at the intersection of a new aisle and looked up to see what kind of movies were sorted in this section. His gaze was, as always, drawn to the silhouette of a young red-haired man staring at Blu-rays of horror films. He could only see his profile, and the redhead had absolutely not noticed Eric since he was holding in his hand a movie, which he was reading the synopsis.

_This man bewitched me. I see no other reasons._

_Stupid red-haired witch_.

 _Just ignore him Cartman_.

Cartman cautiously stepped behind Kyle and looked over his shoulder to see which movie he had chosen.

‘John Carpenter's _Halloween_ , huh? Amazing movie. And the score is incredible. Two notes, and he managed to make viewers feel anxiety.’ Cartman spoke softly. When he finished his sentence, Kyle slowly turned his face to the brunet’s one, and was surprised to see him so close to his body.

‘Are you suggesting me to take it?’ Kyle asked with a smirk. After the evening they had spent together two days ago, he didn’t think Cartman would have spoken to him again.

'Mh. It’s badly aging. If you’re interested in learning more about the history of cinema, watch it. Otherwise, if you want to be scared…’ Cartman took two steps backward to look for the name of another director, a finger on his lower lip while he was searching. He ended up reaching out to Kyle for another DVD. Kyle could see it was the movie _Heredity_ on the cover. ‘Ari Aster. He’s a new director. But he’s very talented and succeeds in innovating the horror genre, which is VERY hard to do so.’

Kyle took the blu-ray between his hands to look at the cover more closer, placing it on top of the stack of DVDs he was holding and which he had selected for tonight. The cover did not say much about the content of the movie, but he thought he would trust Cartman in his cinematographic tastes. The latter managed to pretend to be nonchalant and self-assured in front of Kyle, but inside, his heart rate was all over the place when he watched the lips of his old friend taking the shape of a smile. A simple dialogue with the redhead put him in a similar state of stress than when he was 12 years old, asking Heidi Turner to go out with him for the first time.

‘Thank you Cartman. It's a shame we’ll never be friends. I wish I could have your cinematographic advices more often. ’

Kyle looked at him with a smile that was still sincere. Eric couldn’t tell if Kyle was taking a dig at him or he was just honest. His words and his green eyes had managed to destabilize him. Last time, he had said these words in anger. And truth be told, he still meant them. He would never consider Kyle as _just a friend_. But he never meant to upset the redhead or hurt him. Eric sighed and put his elbow against the top of the shelf next to him.

‘As if you really wanted my friendship. You always told me to fuck off. ’

‘That’s not fair!’ Kyle rolled his eyes. ‘I had to defend myself. You were constantly making fun of me.’

‘So what? Did you discover that you were a masochist and that you missed my daily harassment? I don't want to be your Christian Gray, _Kahl_.’ Eric couldn't help but chuckle.

Kyle gave him a glare before walking past him to go to the checkout. It was Eric’s turn to roll his eyes and he straightened up to follow the student, before coming to his side. He had lowered his gaze to observe him, since the redhead was a little smaller than him. That allowed Eric to have a nice view of his silky hair.

‘I'm just kidding. Don’t take it seriously.’ Kyle kept ignoring him and Eric had to stand in front of him to stop him from walking away. ‘Hey. It's just that we are not meant to be friends. It’s not my will. It’s our destiny Kyle.’

Kyle bit his lip so as not to laugh at the falsely tragic tone in Eric's voice. The brunet grabbed the _Deadpool_ DVD which was on one of the shelves near the two young men and began to sing out loud the song _Careless Whisper_.

' ** _Should've known better than to cheat a friend, and waste the chance that I'd been given. So I'm never goNNA DANCE AGAIN THE WAY I DANCED WITH YOUUUUU-_** ‘

Kyle couldn't help but laugh out loud and his cheeks turned red. He looked around to see if anyone was annoyed by the noise Cartman made. But everyone seemed not to care.

‘Cartman, stop!’ Kyle begged him. He hated being noticed.

‘You don’t like me giving you a movie blind test Kyle? I can’t help it and **_you better shape up!_** ’ Eric had substituted the DVD, grabbing the _Grease_ movie, singing the famous musicof the musical while hopping like Olivia Newton-John towards Kyle, forcing him to step back. ‘ ** _’CAUSE I NEED A MAAAAAN, and my heart is set on you! You better shape up, you better understand, to my heart I must be truuuuue_** _’_

‘Okay, okay, fine, I understood!’ Kyle grabbed Eric by the arms to stop him and hestill couldn't stop laughing. Cartman felt victorious. He had managed to make the young man laugh. A laugh that was really precious _and delicious_ to his ears.

The latter went to the cash register to pay for his rental and the brunet watched him do so. When Kyle was no longer looking at him, Eric tended to get lost in his thoughts, which constantly swung between his conscience telling him to break all ties with his enemy, and his heart telling him to do everything that was in his power to spend more time with the redhead. As he mentally cursed himself, Kyle eventually turned to look at him.

‘If you have nothing planned, come to my house tonight and we’ll try to change our destiny.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will Cartman follow his heart or his conscience ?


	4. In Vino Veritas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year everyone ! I'm starting 2020 being sick. AWESOME :D Once again, thank you so much for your support ! Hope this chapter will please you.

Tammy Warner lived in a shared apartment with another student named Sofia, who was one year younger, and Ely. Cartman always enjoyed coming to their home because they had beautifully decorated their apartment, and the smell when he entered was always pleasant. Cinnamon and vanilla, he guessed. When he came to visit them this Christmas evening, Eric had seen some candles burning on the dining table. A small Christmas tree was also there, at the corner of the living room, with other Christmas decorations hanging on the four corners of the room. In the end, he decided no to join Kyle. He chickened out. If under Kyle’s gaze Cartman melted, when he was far from him his hatred returned to service. He didn't want to see the guy. He still considered him a hypocrite. And there was 99% chance that the evening would end in an argument between the two of them. Even though he had fantasized about trying to have a physical contact with the redhead this night, Eric was still a down to earth boy and knew that was _impossible_. Love relationships didn't came out of the blue. It wasn't like in the tons of rom-coms Cartman had used to watch, unfortunately. And between Kyle and Eric, nothing indicated a relationship of reciprocity. The brunet was pretty sure Kyle invited him only because he didn’t want to be alone and had no one else to be with. _Little prick_.

It was already eleven o'clock when the four friends started to have dinner. It was amazing to see Eric being able to spend an evening only with girls around him. When he was younger, he was known to be horribly sexist. When he entered university he discovered that, surprisingly, not all girls were awfully boring and they could even have intelligent conversations. Pensive, he stayed out of the conversation. While Ely and Sofia took turns telling each other about their romantic troubles, Eric had preferred not to talk much about himself that evening. Usually, he could easily steal the show. He had no trouble drawing all eyes to him. His eyes stared at his fork which was trying to grab a salad leaf in his plate. He could feel the sidelong glance that Tammy was giving him. He knew very well that at some point during the dinner, the young woman would find out why he had ended up joining the group of girls. She was sure something had happened with Kyle.

‘What about your boyfriend, Eric?’

The latter's eyes opened wide as Sofia and Ely stopped talking to look curiously at the tall young man.

‘You have a boyfriend ? That’s adorable!’ Ely exclaimed with a big smile. Eric swallowed his food.

‘No, I don’t.’ He glared at Tammy. ‘He's just an old friend that I have ... uh ... a crush on. But it’s absolutely not reciprocal. ’

Tammy's smile widened. She was right, as always.

'How d’you know that ? Have you ever asked him out?’ Sofia asked while tilting her head.

‘No.’ Cartman admitted. ‘But when we were younger he said that I was really ugly and that no one could ever be attracted to me.’ The brown chuckled with a laugh that was far too loud to be sincere. He just didn't people to feel sorry for him. There were more serious problems in life. And also, there were billions of guys. He could easily forget about Kyle. Right ? A long silence had settled at the table. The three young women were surprised and pained.

‘Fuck him.’ Tammy said in a serious tone. She was totally unaware of this. Truth be told, she never considered Kyle as the kind of guy who would say such atrocities.

‘Yeah, fuck him!’ Ely repeated while Sofia poured Eric a new glass of wine.

He couldn't help but smile. They knew how to cheer him up when he wasn’t even close to them. He had absolutely no regrets coming this evening. However, even though they were having fun conversations tonight, the deep sadness of the brunet still remained there, somewhere in the back of his mind. And the sadness was in dire need of anesthesia through alcohol. He’ll have a tremendous time drinking.

The four of them had finished the evening lying on Tammy's king size bed in her bedroom. His nerves were racing through his brain after having several drinks. His lips were chapped and full of peach vodka flavor. He stared at the ceiling, his arm on his stomach. The three young women sang aloud depressing Billie Eilish songs. Eric hated pop music. Especially when it stuck into his head. It was definitely annoying. Tammy had put YouTube on her little television. They were looking for a compilation of the best Jude Law movie scenes. Eric's thoughts were intertwined with various questions. He thought of his mother whom he had not even called to hear from her and wish her a Merry Christmas. He was thinking about his best friend Steven who he strangely missed. About his life after college. About Kyle.

‘Shit.’ Eric muttered, closing his eyes. The girls hadn't even heard him because they were so absorbed in their discussion about the most attractive actors of Hollywood. _Couldn't life be simpler?_ His arm was now hanging down to grab cheesy poofs from the bowl near the bed. A smell of cannabis had reached his nostrils. His eyes saw a blurry stick shape. The joint was too close to his eyes for them to accommodate themselvesand see properly.

'Smoke. And stop being depressed. "

Eric straightened up to be in a seated position and grabbed the joint from Tammy's hands. He loved to smoke. But he avoided buying drugs himself. If his psychologist found out, she’ll give him hell for it. Yet, the feeling was far too sweet for him to refuse. He took a drag from the joint and let the smoke enter his lungs. This familiar feeling of warmth and tingling in the hollow of his rib cage reassured him.

‘What’s your type of guy? Maybe we can help you find another target.’ Ely asked for the sole purpose of making herself useful to the brunet.

"I'm not fucking gay." Cartman laughed meanly. His voice had become hoarse now because of the joint.

‘Are you bi?’ Sofia asked. Cartman shrugged.

'I don’t even know.'

‘Well, have you ever had relationships?’

‘Yes, with some chicks. It kind of sucked. I like to flirt with them, but as soon as it gets too serious I'm like _fuck no, i don’t wanna be stuck with this bitch_. Ouch!’ Eric cried. Tammy had slapped him in the face.

‘Don’t even dare to call a girl a bitch again!’

Eric winced, rubbing his cheeks and took a second drag. He had forgotten that he was the only male here and that he had to keep his sexist slurs to himself. _That's why I never hang around with girls_. He passed the joint to Ely.

‘Don't you want to try with other guys?’ Sofia asked again.

Eric looked intently at Sofia's face. The young woman had a pretty pointed face. Long brown hair. Perfectly plucked eyebrows and a few moles that adorned her forehead. She was dressed in a long pink babydoll. It was maybe the alcohol in his blood and weed in his lungs that slowed his thinking, but he had just realized that he was in the same bed as three other very attractive girls and he hadn't even had an erection. Any other guy his age would have seen his brain imagine countless sexual fantasies. Maybe Eric was not a primate and he knew how to control his sexual urges. Or maybe…

‘Maybe you’re asexual.’ Ely said, looking at Sofia. They seemed to be looking for the answer to the mathematical problem that was Eric Cartman.

‘Oh no.’ Eric laughed sincerely. ‘I love sex and porn too much for that.’

‘Me too! What’s you’re favorite porn category ?’ Sofia was far too enthusiastic. He wondered if she was so outspoken in real life or if it was alcohol that uninhibited her. Cartman opened his eyes wide.

‘There’s no way I tell you my favorite porn category! It’s a man’s deepest secret.’

‘Redheads. Something about them man.’ Tammy said, imitating Cartman’s male voice. The other two girls burst out laughing as Eric's cheeks turned pink. He tried as best he could to seem detached.

‘Go fuck yourself Tammy.’ He sighed.

‘Mine is strap-ons. I think it’s really hot.’ Sofia answered sincerely.

‘GROSS!’ Eric flinched in disgust, covering his ears. _I DON'T WANNA HEAR THAT_. He watched the girls go into a heated conversation while he couldn't hear their words anymore. It surely was the last time he’s willing to spend an evening with these three women.

* * *

It was already one in the morning when the girls started to fall asleep. Before she closed her eyes, Tammy had suggested Eric to stay home to sleep so he could open the presents with them tomorrow morning. The apartment was dark. The only source of light was the living room TV screen, which was still playing some music videos with a low volume. Eric had preferred to go home, however. His apartment wasn’t far away. He wouldn't risk being attacked only for a few steps. And he preferred to sleep comfortably. He gathered his stuff and his phone. Several missed calls and messages notifications were listed on his home screen, but he didn't pay attention. He’ll answer it once sober. The brunet tried as best he could to make it down the stairs of the dorm without staggering. He arrived on the street safe and sound. There were still windows with lights on in the neighborhood. But very few cars were driving right now. The silence of the night was soothing. On the other hand, in his brain, it was a mess. He had to blink several times to be able to see correctly where he was walking. His head ached, as if a hammer was hitting it over and over. And he was ready to vomit anytime. But for once, his thoughts seemed lighter and moved smoothly. He no longer he felt the sadness that gnawed at him every day.

Without thinking about it much, his legs changed direction. They weren't going to Eric's apartment. But at Kyle's place. He had never been there since he started university. But he knew very well where he lived, and what was his room’s window. During the first year, he had the bad habit of staring at Kyle, even when he was far away from him. It was just impossible for him not to look at him. He watched his gestures, wondering if sometimes the redhead did the same. Sometimes their eyes met and the two blushed but pretended not to have seen each other. Eric had put the hood of his gray sweatshirt on his head. His hair, which was usually impeccably styled, was a mess. He had to hide this disaster. And he didn't have a cap to protect his ears from the cold. His bare hands were down into his front pockets of his black skinny jeans. As for his feet, he hadn't made the same mistake as last time. He now had black boots with inner fur. His toes were no longer in pain. The cold that caressed his cheeks and the alcohol that kept his thoughts from going too far were a delicious illusion. Eric could die now, he wouldn't care. But he had one last wish before leaving Earth.

_Tell exactly what he thinks to Kyle Broflovski_.

Eric formed distorted snowballs in his hands before throwing them forcefully on Kyle's window, almost slipping on the ice. It took him several minutes before he correctly aimed the window which was on the second floor. His fingers had become red and irritated. The room seemed dark but lit by dim lights. Surely it was due to a computer or garlands. He kept throwing snow, without stopping. From time to time he grunted because of the effort, and he mumbled insults: ‘come here motherfucker.’ A figure finally arrived to open the window and Eric continued to throw snowballs, almost touching Kyle in the face.

‘Stop… Stop! What the fuck are you doing ?!’ Kyle's voice clearly showed that he was pissed off. From afar, anyone could have seen his frown. But Eric couldn't see shit. He just barely saw the shape of his best enemy's body.

‘Just wanted to let you know Kyle Broflovski…’ Halfway through his sentence, he realized that he didn't even know where to start. ‘You’re an evil Ginger.’

‘Do you want me to beat your ass up Cartman ?’ Kyle's voice was calm. But the proposal was serious. Eric couldn't help but smile because he felt like he was thirteen again.

‘It’s my only wish.’

Kyle shook his head in exasperation and closed the window before leaving Eric's vision. The latter narrowed his eyes. Did he just get ignored by the redhead? Kyle didn't even want to argue with Eric anymore. _That's it_. It was the end. Eric had to face the facts. He had to forget the young man once and for all. Seeking to capture his attention was a losing battle. Before he could decide to go home, he heard the sound of a pressed button and the mechanism of the big gray door opening. Kyle was in front of him wearing a jogging, a pair of sneakers with the shoelaces undone and a white t-shirt. Kyle’s body contracted due to the cold and he could see his biceps appear on his arms. Kyle’s gaze was also furious, but Eric wasn’t paying attention to that.

‘Let’s make things clear.’ He didn’t give the brunet enough time to take the dialogue’s initiative. ‘You’re breaking my balls deeply. I'm trying to be nice and friendly with you. Establish something that could be healthy. We are 23 years old. We have to successfully graduate and start to find our future job. I clearly don't have time for your bullshit. I won't let you play with my mind like in middle school. Jesus, look at you.’ The student looked at him up and down with contempt. ‘You’re crawling to my door at one am, drunk. You’re pathetic.’

 _Touché_. Right in his heart. Eric looked like a child being scolded, standing in the distance, with traces of snow all over his body. But his blood was boiling. He didn’t expect to face such an upset Kyle. Had he been upset by the fact that he didn't spend the evening with him? Whatever. He wouldn’t once again give up on an opportunity to tell him about his thoughts. The brunet dangerously approached the entrance of the building to position himself right in front of Kyle. He was now seeing his face more clearly.

‘ _Oh Cartman let’s spend Christmas Eve together, it’s going to be so much fun!’_ Eric imitated Kyle's nasal voice before casting a dark look in the boy's eyes. ‘Go to hell Kyle. Your invitation won’t erase seventeen years of _you_ hating _me_. You only invited me because your little Stan whore wasn’t there. Or was it because your girlfriend didn't want to suck your dick tonight? ’

Eric was going way too far. But he didn't care. He had a terrible desire to destroy him. His brain went on autopilot mode and he could no longer control what he said. As for Kyle, he was distraught. He couldn’t bear to see the brunet positioning himself as a victim. What about him?

‘Me hating you ?!’ Kyle's voice broke. He couldn't believe his ears. He took a step forward to get closer to Eric. Their faces were close. He could even smell the strong smell of alcohol coming from Cartman. His body was shaking. Cold or rage, hard to say. ‘Are you losing your mind ? You may be forgetting the seventeen years of you insulting me with anti-Semitic slurs and making me insecure about my physique. What about that ?’

‘What about **you** telling Stan that you’d have to be blind and deaf to enjoy my company ?’ His voice was powerful. He pushed Kyle's chest with his hand, making him back away against his will, as Eric continued to walk towards his direction. He must have woken up part of the neighborhood now that they were in the building hall. ‘What about **you** telling him that I’m the most stupid human on earth that exists, that I should hate myself because I’m ugly and fat.’ He pushed Kyle again but he didn't even looked him in the eye anymore. His eyeballs were wet. _Fuck_. ‘Because, hey, how could I wake up every fucking morning of my life since I’m born and be happy with who I am when I look like that.’ Eric gestured to his own body with his hands, with a face that was hysterical. Kyle's expression had changed. He no longer had that same murderous look. Instead, he was confused and almost… sad. He could never have imagined having touched Eric's sensitivity that much. He had always seen Cartman as the guy who had neither soul nor heart. A guy so narcissistic that no remark could have reached him. He couldn't deny that he had made such comments about the brunet. Truth be told, as a teenager he must have spent every day of his life criticizing Cartman. But that was their thing, right? Taking jabs at each other. Insult. Fight sometimes. Then they reconciled in front of a pizza or a video game. And it started again. He didn't remember having particularly hurt Cartman one day. He even had the memory that their friendly breakup had happened overnight, with no triggering event.

‘Aaaaaaah I’m drunk. I- I shouldn’t be here…’ The brunet sighed and massaged his head with the two palms of his hands, hiding his face. He lay down against the mailboxes in the hall.

‘Eric. I’m sorry. I really am.’ His look was sincere. Cartman's hands dropped so he could look at him. ‘If I said such things, it's just because I had become insecure about who I am.’ Eric let out a groan of laughter. He was speaking with a softer voice now.

‘Seriously ? I don’t buy it. What could’ve affected your self-confidence so much?’

Kyle blinked at him. ‘Your insults regarding my hair? My face ? My nose ? And the list goes on.’

Eric rolled his eyes. His right cheek collapsed on the blue door of someone’s mailbox. His hair was a mess. And he looked really tired. But a slight smile was on his lips. Kyle couldn't guess the motivation behind that smile.

‘Come on. You know very well that you have magnificent hair. Your smile is perfect. And your nose is basic.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s not like it wasn’t something obvious.’

Kyle was… speechless? His thin lips opened slightly, surprised. Surprised because Eric seemed honest. And that he absolutely did not expect to receive such compliments, at this time, in this place, and especially from _this_ person. Why was he telling him that kind of thing? He had no right to do so. The two young men looked at each other. Something had changed in the air. It could be felt. But a neighbor appeared on the stairs to interrupt them, politely asking them to lower their voices. Kyle apologized and promised that they were going to leave.

‘Imma go back to my house. I'm sorry I bothered you.’ Eric straightened up to head for the exit.

Even if Kyle found Eric very attractive from this angle, he could only notice the pallor of the young man's face. He just couldn't let him go in the middle of the night, completely smashed. He gently grabbed the crook of his elbow and pulled him in the opposite direction.

‘No dude. No way I’m letting you go walk alone this wasted.’

Cartman didn’t need to be begged. He wasn’t able to walk home, even if he wanted to.

* * *

Eric was lying on the small couch in Kyle's dorm room. The student lived alone but had no living room. The accommodation was nevertheless spacious and he had managed to arrange it in such way as to give the impression of having a lot of space. He was sitting at the other end of the couch, his right thigh lightly touching Cartman's feet. The latter stared at the screen, but his brain seemed completely asleep. They were both silently watching the first episodes of ‘You’ on Netflix. But neither were able to focus on the plot. Kyle’s brain was overthinking. An element was missing from the equation that kept him from finding a solution.

‘I don’t understand,’ he said staring the TV screen blankly.

‘He’s going to kill people again, there’s nothing more to understand. I love this dude.’ Eric mumbled against his cushion, his gaze also on the television screen.

‘I don’t understand _this_.’ Kyle clarified as he looked at Eric, forcing him to look up at the student too.‘If you didn’t meant all your insults…Why would you bully me all these years? Why me, and not someone else?’

_Seriously ? Argh_. _Right now I'm not even able to target the toilet with my penis and you ask me to do a psychoanalysis of myself? I don’t know. Maybe because when I saw you for the first time at the beginning of the school year, you caught my eyes. You were different. How could an average obese child get your attention without teasing you? You can't blame me for trying to be the center of your attention. Anyone else would have done that. I guess you do stupid things when you're in love. I had stuck a pen in your hair. And There you go. I didn't even had to introduce myself to you. I knew you would remember me for the rest of your life. Maybe not in the best way. But the risk was worth it. The truth is, I would rather make you hate me your whole life than handling the idea of you never knowing about my existence. Do not judge a desperate soul._

‘I was just a child Kyle. It’s just… cruel fate. It could have been Butters or Timmy. What you want me to say ? Life sucks.’

_That was a lie_.

Another silence settled as Eric continued to watch the episode. But Kyle hadn't looked away. Yes, they were children and children could act cruel. He himself even acted this way. But he still hadn’t found the missing piece of the puzzle. It frustrated him.

‘So why were you also attacking my relationships? Stan? Nichole? ’

Eric’s heart suddenly tightened in his chest. Was it weed that was playing tricks on him? _Great._ Obviously, he couldn't use the I was a child blah blah excuse to explain these excesses. _The bastard was intelligent._

Eric spoke so softly, he hoped Kyle hadn't heard him. He dared not even to look at him. ‘Because they could do things that I never had the chance to do.’

Kyle frowned with a confused smile. ‘Like what ?’

Without thinking much, the brunet straightened up in a sitting position. At this moment, alcohol was still far too present in his body to put up barriers from his actions. He delicately grabbed Kyle's shoulders with his left arm, and his right hand grabbed the crook of Kyle's right elbow. He pulled him against him and fell back on the couch to lie down. This time, the redhead was lying against his chest, supported by Eric's arm. The latter once again turned his attention to the tv show. But this time, he felt like his heart was going to explode. These were new sensations he was discovering for the first time. Simple things, but so intense since he had imagined them a lot of times. He felt the boy's red curls tickle his neck, and the fingers of his hand brushed the skin of his arm. He didn't dare to actually touch his skin. Even though he wanted to know how it would feel against his hand, he didn't want it to be too weird. But just feeling his body mass against his was a relief. It was only after a few minutes that he felt Kyle's body, which was tense, relax against him. And he was happy to end 2019 with such success.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this weird obsession of imagining Kyle being portrayed by Àron Piper and Cartman by Ben Platt. LOOK AT THEM, THEY'RE ADORABLE
> 
> • https://66.media.tumblr.com/8d9e6ef7bf03052ca26a92d0946311a6/6d445d3471e30346-6a/s400x600/4b09c6e5de5f0301b1df7875cb5619312093425c.gif  
> • https://66.media.tumblr.com/099e98466920e7bd2578a670c919a1ce/ef1b2ae96d055f25-9f/s540x810/956279dbb813a83098736d7635321c723a87c8d7.gifv


	5. Sincerely yours, Kyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A small chapter to introduce the New Years Eve chapter. A letter exchange before the fluff and the storm. :-)
> 
> EDIT : I don't have any inspiration for this story for the moment. Maybe I'll continue it one day. Anyway it wasn't meant to be a long story, just a small and cute fanfiction for Christmas. Consider this chapter as the ending :) Thank you for reading it !

Wednesday, December 25th

_Letter placed on Kyle's desk_.

« Merry Christmas!

You left early. I don't remember why, I was too sleepy this morning to understand what you were telling me. Sorry if this night was weird for you, by the way. I was fuckin wasted and nostalgic of our friendship. Honestly, I think you’re a great guy and I’m sorry I wasn’t a good friend in the past. But I’m doing everythingin my power to become a better person. Actually I regularly see Mrs. Gomez, the university psychologist. She says that I’m doing great efforts. But let’s not talk about my inner conflicts. I’ll come and drop a gift on your doorstep during the day, to thank you for hosting me. You’re a good host. I'll give you a 3/5 review on AirBnb. Clean accommodation, nice owner, and unlimited Netflix viewing. But your feet stink.

Have a good day !

Eric »

•

Wednesday, December 25th

_Letter placed on the windshield of Eric's car_.

« Shit. I didn’t expect that ! I haven’t got time to buy you a gift. I am really sorry. Does that make me a bad friend? Please don't come a second time in front of my dorm building to tell me that I'm the worst person on earth (just kidding). I don't have words. Thank you so much. You couldn't have pleased me more than with this LeBron James basketball top. I'm amazed that you still remember my fondness for basketball.

My feet don't stink, asshole. If you mind that much, you’ll be happy to learn we won't have to sleep together anymore. In addition, you snore.

Merry Christmas

Kyle »

•

Thursday, December 26th

_Letter slipped into Kyle's mailbox_.

« I came by to see if you were tempted to go outside and watch a movie in town. But you weren’t home. I'll leave you this letter instead. I don't know why I'm doing this. I think it makes me feel better and able to say things more easily. It’s really hard to become a better person. Everything was better when I was Cartman the fatass, back in elementary school.

Don’t rejoice too fast. This is the last time you see me, Eric Theodore Cartman, giving you a Christmas gift. Being nice to people is such a pain in the ass. Who invented altruism? That shit sucks man. But anyway. I heard that you broke up with your girlfriend. In fact, it's just Kenny who told me about it. I'm sorry to hear that. I hope it doesn't hurt you too much (that’s me trying to be a good friend, see ?). I will not offer you to confide in me. I hate listening to break-up stories and I don't know how to comfort people. I don't know if you still remember but when Stan broke up with Wendy for the first time, the only thing I could tell him was "stop being a lil bitch and man up". I remember he wanted to hit me so hard. It was funny. Good old times.

Anyway, I'm happy because now I can tell you this without risking being murdered by your girlfriend: somehow I like to sleep with you. Please don't punish me. I'm ready to accept your stinky feet.

I’ll do anything for a friend.

Eric »

•

Friday, December 27th

_Letter slipped into Eric's mailbox._

« Friends, huh ? So I imagine that we are going to communicate by letters now since you seem to have such a busy schedule. I'm fine. Thanks for asking. I'm not the type of person that is easily devastated by a breakup. I’m good at putting things into perspective. I tell myself that there is much worse suffering in this world. Especially when it was mostly me who screwed up in our relationship. I deserved it. I’m sure the day you’ll comfort me from a breakup the Earth will stop spinning. And you’ll become God. And you’ll surely send me to Hell. I remember this was how you demonstrated your friendly feelings towards me when we were younger : when we were searching for the _stick of truth_ and I was a little too talented in magical fights, you just put me in jail (I still don't know how you managed to pull out new rules out of nowhere every five minutes, but no hard feelings).

I thought it would be impossible for us to be friends my dear Cartman? Again, the Jew was right. You played Chopin for me, you sang me a Grease song and now you admit enjoying sleeping with me despite my stinky feet. I’m going to end up believing that you have more-than-friendship feelings towards me lol. You’re so gay.

I think you already know about it. But Kenny is hosting a New Years Eve party at his girlfriend's house. A kind of reunion reserved for the amazing inhabitants of South Park. Like the good old times, as you say. You should come too. How can a South Park reunion be complete without your presence? I'm not trying to flatter you. But after spending one million dollars to create Cartmanland and selling crack when you were only twelve, no one can deny that you are a historic figure of this city. (No, seriously, come over. Otherwise it won't be fun and I’ll have to listen to Stan's lamentations, and look after Kenny who will surely drink like a fish).

Kyle »

•

Saturday, December 28th

_Letter stuck under Kyle's doormat._

« You can't steal the show from me. You’re a redhead. Have you ever seen a heroic fantasy or comic book hero being a redhead? No. Black Panther ? A black man. Wonder Woman ? A woman. Groot ? A fucking tree. See ? No gingers. I'm just keeping things in place. So logically, when you became a little too talented for my taste, I had to lock you up. Sometimes you have to have unfair policies so as not to upset the normal course of History. I only did my duty. You can't blame me (don't take it personally).

You know, as much as you are an insightful and intelligent being most of the time, when something obvious comes in front of your eyes, you’re becoming Ray Charles. Is it your big nose that stops you from seeing things clearly? I still believe that we cannot become friends, Kyle. I'm just trying to reassure your non-perceptive ass. We cannot be friends because I appreciate your presence by my side a little too much, and because I am much too hurt by your shitty insults. Can't you see the warning signs of some uncontrollable feelings ? I am not mad at you. It was also hard for me to face the truth.

I’ll come to the party. Who knows ? Maybe I’ll get my midnight kiss. ;) »

•

Monday, December 30th

_Letter stuck under Eric's doormat._

« Whatever that means. Let me make you a list of things that are ineffective when seducing someone.

  1. Accusing them of being a cold hearted bastard. 
  2. Coming to their home, smelling weed, and not sharing some with them. 
  3. **Making fun of a part of their body** (and I write it in bold because I find that you are a little too comfortable with this one)
  4. World War II jokes 
  5. Insulting their mom
  6. Destroying their relationships because you can't manage your extreme jealousy



Just a piece of advice. I think it can help you seduce the person you like.

See you tomorrow Eric. »


End file.
